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 Funny Jokes!

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Thunder
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PostSubject: smart answer   Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:12 pm

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.


The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."


The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.


The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "


The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.....

.
.
.
He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running".
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Arijit
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Sat Mar 14, 2009 9:53 pm

Avenger wrote:
Hey yo the "Admin" why don't you rename this site as KnowalltheunknownPJ's.com.The jokes are so lame that even my Grandmother cracks better jokes than these stupid ones

Thank you for your suggestion to change the site's name- though there's a different section for it altogether. When we feel there's a need to change our site's name to the one suggested by you- we shall even make you the admin of this forum. (That will never happen sweetie)

Now coming to the point. You have gone against our forum rules. So as Hawkeye mentioned- we are giving you a warning. In the meantime, you can surf in the other sections if you don't like this section.
Also you can hear jokes from your grandmother instead of reading them from here or even better- ask your grandmother to register in our forum. She can post her jokes over here. We will be very glad and if the jokes are good, we shall even laugh at them.

Another thing is that I kindly request you to change your avatar as it is inappropriate. Negligence will result in serious consequences.

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Hawkeye
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Mon Mar 16, 2009 7:14 pm

These two guys were making their way across the desert when their camel ran out of water. Without the camel they knew they would never make it out of the desert alive. They looked around and discovered that they were only a few hundred yards from an oasis but also discovered that they had nothing to carry water in. So they decided to drag the camel to the water. By the time they got him there, the camel was much too weak to drink. The only solution they could come up with was one would have to hold the camels head in the water and the other would have to suck on it's ass. Neither wanted the job of ass-sucking so they flipped a coin to see who would suck on the camels ass to fill him with water. After the toss the winner positioned the camels head and the other took his position at the rear. After a few minutes the one at the rear raises his head up, spits and said, Hey, you've got his head in to deep, all I'm getting is mud!

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avenger
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PostSubject: PJ's   Sat Mar 28, 2009 12:48 pm

I did ask my Grandma to join the site,and she checked out the humor mania and by seeing the quality of these best mix of PJ's she just died on the spot.So i would advice you to remove this entire section so that more people dont die reading these stupid jokes.It is not that I am blasting this site or something some of your work are fabulous,but then the Humor Mania brings it all down to nothing.

EDITED BY Hawkeye
: I feel sorry for your grandma. Thanks for your concern about the site. If you have any more suggestions please post in the suggestions and no more of this suggestions will be allowed in joke section.
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Thunder
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PostSubject: Stupid and so beautiful all at the same time ???   Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:17 am

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws"



WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says
.........."HEBREWS"


God may have created woman after man,
but there is always a single masterpiece without a copy of it.
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Thunder
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PostSubject: Little girl with spunk   Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:19 am

A white man was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the man, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the man. "Since you are black, do you think that So-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.

"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The man, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barack Obama ..... when you don't know shit"
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ïиFέÇŦ™
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Sun Apr 05, 2009 11:08 am

Hehe.. Nice
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Arijit
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:23 pm

Lo that was a good one.

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Arijit
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:40 pm

I loved the repetition joke called WORDS. The outcome of the flight joke was expected.

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PostSubject: Chinese call center   Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:47 am

A Chinese Call center:

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me..

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak
to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan .. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But
what's this urgent matter
about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe
Wan was involved in an accident.
Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.
Right now, Avery Wan is on
his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the
hospital, then the accident isn't
an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time
for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God.... ...

From --
Good Wan!
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kareena
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Thu Apr 16, 2009 10:35 am

lol.. Laughing

I have read this before but still I find it fresh..
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Arijit
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PostSubject: Re: Funny Jokes!   Thu Apr 16, 2009 6:13 pm

Hehe nice one.

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PostSubject: SENIORS GIVING BIRTH   Mon Apr 20, 2009 9:50 pm

SENIORS GIVING BIRTH
With all the new technology regarding
fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was
able to give birth to a baby.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

'May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee
and we can visit for awhile first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another
relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they
asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well,
when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until he cries?"

"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?????"
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